One evening last week, my neighbors Ray and Louise called and invited me over for a salmon dinner.

They knew Elsbeth was in the hospital getting a new hip and they wanted to do something nice, so I said okay and went next door.

I was getting tired of peanut butter on an English muffin every night so I was delighted.

It was a serene August evening and Ray was setting the table outside with a big platter of salmon.

Louise appeared and put out a green salad, some bread and a bowl of scalloped potatoes. She announced we would have some strawberry shortcake later.

Ray also announced that we might attract a horde of yellow jackets so he hung a trap in the bushes near our table to trap the little beggars.

I sat down and put some salmon on my plate and, sure enough, the nasty stingers started dive-bombing us and Ray said, " Sorry, let's go inside."

Instead, I saw a pressure can of bug spray on a nearby table and walked over to get it. Then I took a paper plate and put some fish on it and placed it on the ground near my chair.

As we ate I kept the spray handy and every time the buzzers darted toward the decoy, I let them have a blast. Pretty soon the air was redolent with bug spray.

I was pretty successful even though my host was gagging. Little by little the pests started keeling over and hitting the deck.

I risked getting us a few lungs full of the powerful spray and maybe angering any Friends of the Earth member in the neighborhood who might object to cruelty to animals.

But I did get rid of the annoying pests. Ray 's eyes were bugging out a little, but I could see he was impressed with my ingenuity.

Elsbeth is home now with a new hip and resting, so I went out to wash the car this week. That is when the yellow jacket relatives with good memories arrived.

A squadron of angry cousins obviously looking for revenge and looking for the perp who killed their kin spotted me in the driveway.

I tried to get them to buzz off by spraying them with the garden hose. Bad idea. I could hear them yelling and darting at my bare legs, neck, or any tender spot to leave their venom.

I got stung four times before I could run for the open garage door and grab a can of bug spray. They just followed me yelling, "Get him. He is the one."

I didn't have any salmon to bunch them up so I ran for the inside door and thought I had escaped. No way. One followed me right into the house and I figured they were only mad at me, not her, so I ran out the front door.

Elsbeth was not too happy about that, so I did get a couple of stinging remarks.