I had a friend pass away recently and it would appear that, for me, writing about her passing may help ease my loss. That seems very selfish, in a way, but she shouldn't be gone and it is still hard to imagine. I wasn't her best friend but we worked together and that creates its own special bond.

What I really struggle with is how unfair her death is to me. A young, vibrant, and spirited person, she was expecting her first child. She was completely organized in every aspect of this pregnancy and birth. She cut out any possible unnecessary costs as she was going to be a single mom. She took really good care of herself and the baby, following doctor's orders when she was told to not eat too much of one thing or another. She had wanted a child very much.

So here's the injustice: this young woman gets such a rare disease that it's seen in one out of 15,000 pregnancies. One in 15,000, why her? Of all the women having babies out there why couldn't God have spared this caring, gregarious woman? What does that do to my faith in God? Is he trying to teach me some diligence I am lacking in my prayers?

This passing has shocked a multitude of people and we all grieve in our own way. Speaking for myself, I just can't seem to get over this tragic event, and I'm not even family. My heart bleeds for the incredible, wonderful people loving this new baby. But mostly for the new grandparents who are struck by the unfair position of losing a child while embracing a new member into their world. I feel so helpless, and words don't feel as full a promise as I want them to feel.

So, what I will do is know that, while she did get to hold her baby and see him briefly, she will watch him grow from a distance. I will help initiate a fund of some sort for this wonderful kid that anyone and everyone can contribute to (we have received permission from family). What I will struggle with for a while is my faith in fate. Life is ultimately in God's hands, but I will need to do some soul searching until he can help me fully understand this death. I realize that unnecessary deaths take place all over the world probably every minute. I guess part of what I need to learn is that this is my time to work through the injustice.

This time of year is also making it tough. We are to be thankful for things right now. Well, I am thankful I knew this woman. I am thankful she was able to teach me her ways and to touch so many other people's lives with her generous personality. I am very grateful that the family has allowed us to honor this woman by creating a fund for the son.

Yet, it is so hard because this is so not the way it was supposed to be. And if ever anyone insisted things go exactly as they should, that was her!

I miss you Jen. We all do.

September 22. 1971- November 19, 2008

Memorial Fund for Ramsey T. Zink in honor of Jennifer Hertwig will be accepted at the Wells Fargo Bank in the West Seattle Junction shortly. Feel free to contact Marion Lisko with any questions, at 938-4291.

Marion Lisko

Seattle