Humans love anniversaries—birthdays and weddings particularly. There is something special about coming of age at 21 or reaching the first wedding anniversary—that is if marriage was chosen as an option. But there are anniversaries that seem to lurk under the radar of remembrance—yes, the year that your father died of cancer or your mother died of heart disease. These anniversaries are not celebrated but are rather feared. Many of my friends have silently approached such an anniversary with dread.

My own father died of cancer at age forth-seven after he had sired eleven children and helped to deliver ten of them. Money was scarce and no doctor was ever called in those days. But since my mother was pregnant with me when my father died, she had to call a doctor for the first time when I came into the world. From that time on I suppose my brothers silently feared approaching the age of 47 and as luck would have it, all of them reached that age safely.

I personally never consciously dreaded the age of 47. It wasn’t until I started looking through the drawer where I keep all the hand embroidered and crocheted pillowslips that my mother had given me that I found a note my mother had tucked into one set. I rarely used them so had never unfolded these particular pillowslips to find the note sent to me on my 47th birthday which read: You are now the same age as your father was when he died. My, am I glad that I never saw it at the time. It would have really made me uneasy.

But then I began to worry over my own children and wondered if they would outlive one of my brothers who died when he was only 56. Unfortunately, our oldest son was killed in a traffic accident when he was 54. Now his five children have that anniversary to secretly remember unless they have learned what I learned about not holding on to worries about the past.

Some years ago when I was studying in psychology and counseling I attended a workshop exploring dreaded anniversaries. It helped me face my own dread of such dates on the calendar so that I could put that all behind me. There are enough happenings to dread in this world without adding those that have no basis in reality. So it is best to clear one’s mind of such worry and be free to get on with life and the choices we have before us. As someone has sagely spoken: We create our own lives and our own futures. We can choose to live in fear or choose to live in delight and appreciation of all the ways we can become fulfilled.

Every human has talent which can be drawn upon to enrich life. One only has to dig down deep and discover that special way of expressing oneself and finding enjoyment. Some do gardening, some cook up special gourmet dishes. Others dance every chance they get, while still others do what I do—write or go on the comedy stage. There is no right way to be happy. You just need to discover your own dream and make it all come true. Might as well begin now. It is never too late.

Georgie Kunkel is a freelance writer who can be reached at HYPERLINK "mailto:gnkunkel@comcast.net" gnkunkel@comcast.net
or 206-935-8663.