Last week I went with Elsbeth to the supermarket to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving.

She wanted a Butterball and she wanted a hen, not a Tom. But the darn things are covered with plastic and you can't see through it and maybe see something that would indicate what it was. You know. Like guys have big feet.

Along came a charming lady who didn't know any more about hens and Toms than we did. Her name is Mary Simpson. So I told her the only way to tell was to watch which bathroom they came out of. That was a joke.

I really knew that if it weighs less than 15 pounds it is a hen, so Mary bought a 12 pounder.

We bought a 13 pounder and guess what. You don't have to pull the feathers off them anymore or singe off the pin feathers over the gas burner.

Don't you just hate that smell of burnt quills?

This year we didn't use the regular oven. I had this great idea that the turkey would taste better if I barbecued it.

So I put the 13 pounder on a spit and put the charcoal grill out on the patio and poured some lighter fluid on the charcoal to start it. There was a mild explosion that reduced the size of my eyebrows and then I started the motor that turns the turkey over and over.

She was hard to balance and kept going galumpph, galumph as she rotated over the hot coals. I had to keep running outside and adjusting it so she didn't galumph each turn. It was annoying. But it was on the patio and it was so foggy outside we couldn't see her cooking. But we could hear her.

I don't know to this day why She suddenly slipped off the turning rod holding her up, but she finally fell right into the hot coals. I ran out and rescued her. She wasn't hurt. Just pretty black from the charcoal and ashes, but I managed to get a lot of it off.

The trouble is she fell off about six times and looked pretty bad and kinda dirty. Then Elsbeth came out to see how I was doing.

I offered to run her (the turkey) under the garden hose but she (Elsbeth) said no thanks.

We ate her. The turkey. It wasn't too bad barbecued. Gives them a real smoky flavor with a slight hint of lighter fluid.