One evening last week, while Elsbeth was still in the hospital getting a new hip, my neighbors Ray and Louise called and invited me over for salmon dinner. They wanted to do something nice so I said okay and went next door. I was getting tired of peanut butter on an English muffin every night so I was delighted.
It was serene August evening and Ray was setting the table outside with a big platter of salmon. Louise appeared and put out a green salad, some bread and a bowl of scalloped potatoes. She announced we would have some strawberry shortcake later. Ray also announced that we might attract a horde of yellow jackets so he hung a trap in the bushes near our table to trap the little beggars. I sat down and put some salmon on my plate and sure enough the nasty stingers started dive-bombing us and Ray said, "Sorry, let's go inside."
Instead , I saw a pressure can of bug spray on a nearby table and walked over to get it. Then I took a paper plate and put some fish on it and placed it on the ground near my chair.
As we ate I kept the spray handy and every time the buzzers darted toward the decoy I let them have a blast. Pretty soon the air was redolent with bug spray. I was pretty successful even though my host was gagging. Little by little the pests started keeling over and hitting the deck.
I risked getting us a few lungs full of the powerful spray and maybe angering any friends of the earth member in the neighborhood who might object to cruelty to animals. But I did get rid of the annoying pests. Ray 's eyes were bugging out a little but I could see he was impressed with my ingenuity.
Elsbeth is home now with a new hip and resting so I went out to wash the car this week.
That is when the yellow jacket relatives with good memories arrived. A squadron of angry cousins obviously looking for revenge and looking for the perp who killed their kin spotted me in the driveway. I tried to get them to buzz off by spraying them with the garden hose.
Bad idea. I could hear them yelling and darting at my bare legs, neck, or any tender spot to leave their venom. I got stung four times before I could run for the open garage door and grab a can of bug spray. They just followed me yelling "Get him. He is the one."
I didn't have any salmon to bunch them up so I ran for the inside door and thought I had escaped. No way. One followed me right into the house and I figured they were only mad at me, not her so I ran out the front door.
Elsbeth was not too happy about that so I did get a couple of stinging remarks.
Jerry has purged his lungs of bug spray, and Elsbeth is on the mend. Reach Jerry at publisher@robinsonnews.com
