Directed by Patrick Tatopoulos
Rated R
(Two stars)

There is a well-known television show that claims its stories were “ripped from the headlines.” Well, the plotline for “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans” has the feel of having been “ripped from Xbox.”

This tale about bad blood between vampires and werewolves and a love affair that ends up as a BBQ isn’t so much written as it is choreographed. “Rise of the Lycans” is a daisy-chain of action set-pieces designed to exhaust the adrenal glands of 15 year olds.

The story, such as it is, chronicles the beginning of the power struggle between vampires and werewolves (it serves as the prequel to the other two films of the Underworld franchise). Vampires hold the upper hand. Werewolves are either their slaves, trapped in human form, or banished to live a feral existence deep in the forest.

This unhappy community is ruled without mercy by Viktor (Bill Nighy). What little love beats in his undead heart is reserved for his daughter, Sonja (Rhona Mitra), and his one favorite among the werewolves, Lucian (Michael Sheen), whom he treats as a sort of favorite pet.

This kinder, gentler side of Viktor leads to no good end. Lucian and Sonja fall in love. The lovers are discovered and Sonja pays a terrible price. Lucian escapes and vows revenge setting up the ultimate point of the film: a festival of carnage.

Whether you’re going to be a fan of this film can be answered with a simple test. As Lucian leads the werewolves against the ramparts of Viktor’s castle, a werewolf grabs a vampire and tumbles off the wall. As the two fall, the film suddenly slows down to give us a ringside view of the vampire’s arm being torn off—at the shoulder. If that’s an image that sets your heart a flutter, then this film is for you. If not, you’ll have to find something else to distract you while you’re stuck there in the theater seat.

The only thing I could come up with is to marvel at the casting. There are two roles that almost save this film for the post-adolescent set. One because it so perfectly fits the film and the other because it so imperfectly does not.

There is a select group of actors who illuminate their characters with moral ambiguity. Whether they’re doing comedy or drama, whether they’re playing the good guy or the villain, there is a dash of larceny in their soul that makes it that much more fun to watch.

They aren’t so much the antichrist as the anti-Tom Hanks. I think Bill Murray gets on that list, Jack Nicholson, of course, and inevitably Bill Nighy. Even Nighy’s lovable, aging rocker in “Love Actually” was irredeemably jaded.

As Viktor, Nighy can fix you with a stare that makes a beating heart seem like a vestigial organ, tempting you to believe that vampires are more than a videogame contrivance. When Nighy is in the scene, “Rise of the Lycans” is almost literate. A remarkable accomplishment considering how little is going on around him.

The other role that gets a death-grip on your attention is Michael Sheen’s Lucian. This role that was conceived as an action-hero cliché has been handed to the actor who inhabited the foppishly cunning David Frost in “Frost/Nixon” and was so convincing as Tony Blair in “The Queen.”

There is no limit to the irony of the actor who played the prime minister labeled as Bush’s poodle being cinematically reincarnated as a werewolf.

This isn’t to say that Sheen’s performance is bad. He’s much too intelligent and talented as an actor for that to happen. No, this isn’t the kind of disaster that might come from casting, say, Adam Sandler. Sheen brings all of his imposing command of the actor’s craft to a role that is exquisitely wrong for him. Sheen radiates a nervous brilliance that works with characters that have to talk fast for survival, but not so well with the half hunk, half wolf that is Lucian.

“Underworld: Rise of the Lycans” is well aware of the narrow demographic it serves: an age group where films conspire with comic books to provide a necessary release-valve for percolating hormones. The rest of us can only hunker down with our popcorn and try to remember what that felt like.