Kevin writes: My mother's health has been precarious. Her kidney function is extremely poor, and we are trying to decide what to do. As an instructor, a large part of my non-school day is spent with care giving responsibilities of one kind or another ... I'm glad to do it, but I do feel my life energy being sucked out of me sometimes.

I really see the value in living from day to day. I'm trying to create a "scorpion-free zone" around her so that my mother doesn't have to worry about anything. She and our "new" dog really get along ... the dog is truly a gift. He has changed the dynamic of the house and given my mother a reason to live.

Women talking
Q&A: I really have no other life. The bulk of care giving -- cleaning, cooking, financial management, medical/dental/vision transports and consultations, physical exercise, recreation, you name it -- I do it. When one looks at the big picture, it can be quite overwhelming. How can I shift this balance?

A: Congratulations Kevin! You've already started - first by adding a dog to your mother's life and your own, and secondly by writing to ask for help. Here are four ideas you can try:

1. Find a person or care share team with whom you can talk out your worries and brainstorm alternatives.

2. Make time to do this regularly. You'll need support.

3. Talk to the H.R. person at work, if this is safe, or consult Senior Services. Both are possible sources of supplemental help and good ideas.

4. Expect resistance from both your mother and yourself as you make changes in your Mom's care. Shifting the balance will require change on both your parts.

5. Listen to your intuition. Is your approach working? If you burn out, then no one is better off.