By Patrick Robinson

You’ve seen this many times. 

A new building goes up and somebody decides to make it their spray paint canvas with some barely legible tag.

Somebody parks across two parking spaces and you have to keep looking for a place to park. 

Backing out of a parking spot, a car races to get past you rather than wait, forcing you to stop.

Someone walks their dog and leaves their droppings on your lawn.

You are walking on the sidewalk and others don’t give you room to pass.

Someone stands up in meeting and launches a highly personal verbal attack on someone.

You are driving in slow traffic and somebody speeds past you, driving in the oncoming lane to get ahead of you, then you see them at the next stoplight.

Someone on the road with a bicycle share lane on a curve decides to race past them veering into the oncoming lane.

Somebody has had some drinks and decides they are just fine to drive.

Someone gets hold of a gun, and it goes off, killing a child

Irresponsible acts have been part of humanity for as long as we’ve been recording history.

In fact in every religion there are codes of conduct that are meant to guide human behavior.

it’s called The Golden Rule of course and it’s based on the idea of empathy for another person.

It has become obvious in the last few years though that we have collectively lost sight of this simple idea. Treat others as you would want to be treated. It feels and sounds and is different than times past. The entitlement, the rule and law breaking, the sheer sense of anything goes amplified by the media looking for the next adrenaline hit, has taken hold. 

I even wrestled with the title for this because it has grown so egregious that I felt I needed to get your attention with something more arresting than the word Dunderhead.

I thought about it probably more than I should .. but Dunderhead, Chowderhead, Bonehead, all failed to make the point clear These people are INTENTIONALLY behaving badly they aren’t just stupid, or uncaring.. they KNOW what they are doing is wrong and they do it anyway hence dickhead.

So what is the answer to all this? Is there a way back to courtesy, common sense, kindness and caring? Or are we stuck in an endless cycle of revenge and retribution?

I believe it has to start with you. Not you in the aggregate. You personally. It starts with what and how you think. Thoughts have accretive power. It’s the  idea behind voting, and building, and winning at sports. A group of people thinking alike and moving in the direction of those thoughts. 

It’s the idea behind forgiveness and working toward a better way. 

So I’m asking you, and yes, even myself to when the urge to act out, call someone a name, or respond in anger or worse, take actions that lead to regret… to stop. Pause a moment. Break the cycle of fight and fight back. The more of us that stop the negativity and emotional patterns we have fallen into, the better we will all feel. I know this is difficult. I know it feels like only the harshest response is called for except.. that simply does not work. It almost always only escalates somehow.

Yes, it’s a huge adjustment. I call it the Dickhead Adjustment because it is a recognition that people will simply be who they are and we can only really control our reactions. But being kinder to others and to ourselves has power too.

I believe love is stronger than hate.