By Jennifer Carrasco

I've heard a lot about the Seattle Freeze, but never experienced it myself. When I arrived at 52, very broke and scared about surviving in Seattle , I was too focused about making a living to worry about a social life.  I lived for three months in my friend Carolyn's basement and before I knew it, I had a group of supportive friends who were Carolyn's friends. These friends were usually writers, dancers and visual artists. Since creative types are often considered peculiar and live below the poverty line, I was accepted as "one of them." My friend's shawl of buddies warded off my cold entry.

It was obvious that gallery sales would not be my financial support, so I took my portfolio to design firms and applied for murals and decorative painting projects.They told me "You are overqualified" (code for "you are too old"). Well, eff you,I thought I'll start my own decorative painting business. Fire in the belly.

 I was gradually picking up better mural painting jobs by the time I met my friend Mary at a poetry critique group.  It was more a therapy group with intense confessions and bad poetry. Mary and I were secretly rolling our eyes at each other, We both dropped out of the group and we became good friends.The art of poetry warms hearts.

Seattle Center Community College was my next step. I wanted to learn computers and design, and while there I met like– minded friends. Classmates David and Jenni helped me when I was painting the ballroom at The Ruins. And the wait staff and chefs at The Ruins.... Oh my! Musicians, painters and writers.No frostiness there at all.

When I lived in an apartment in the Fremont section of Seattle, my next door neighbor Ed acquainted me with my future partner Phil. Phil warmed up fast, and Ed became my lifelong buddy. Acquaintances connect and thaw into friends.

For the last 25 years I've lived in West Seattle, and my neighborhood is the best. We have several neighborhood get togethers a year, and some of us are prone to having house parties (Guilty as charged) Beer, sodas, wine and chicken adobo with plenty of rice (it stretches) and people bringing potluck...even if it's just potato chips. An attitude of generosity lights up many a chilly soul.

It's important, I think, not to appear needy, nor rush things. Adult friendships develop with history, a slow burn. And show up if you say you will.  

If one is independent and has special interests and passions, people will feel reassured that the new person won't be a pest. Be a person who makes stuff. Any thing from bonsai to painting, to sonnets, to lutes, or crocheted bird nests.That sort of person has better things to do than be a clinging vine.

Also, people warm to an opportunity to talk about themselves and tell their stories. Which gives a listener something to boil up in a cauldron of ideas until it becomes their painting, a poem or a story. Win/win, Boil and bubble.