After my third interview where I basically told another client looking for a promotional writer, “You don’t really need me, you can do this stuff on your own,” I had to ask myself, “What the hell is wrong with you?” My first assumption was that I didn’t really want the job, so was talking them out of hiring me. But I am rarely that simple. Upon further contemplation, I realized I do the same thing with my coaching clients. They’ll ask me to edit 100 pages of their book and I’ll say, “That’s expensive. I’ll just edit thirty pages and tell you what’s working and not working and how to edit the rest yourself.”
Now you’re probably saying, “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I have to agree. But in my defense, I view myself as a teacher more than an editor and try to foster my client’s ability to edit and critique their own work, rather than merely edit it for them. I don’t want them feeling as if they are dependent on me in order to write, I want to inspire them to be able to write for themselves. Those are the healthy reasons why I talk myself out of accepting money.
The unhealthy reasons are what I do comes naturally to me; therefore I think it’s easy and anyone can do it. Within ten minutes of talking to writing clients, I can usually understand what the primary theme of their book is, what the narrative struggles are, what structures will work and not work and how the book is going to come together. For my marketing clients, I can see what they do that is better or different than other similar professionals and write about it. Rather than accepting that this is a gift, and what I’ve spent years finessing and improving, I think, “Anyone can do that. Here, I’ll tell you how and you can do it yourself.” And then I look at my bank account and once again say, “What the hell are you doing?”
Knowing that I don’t place enough value on my work was a step towards progress, but not a very fun one. Fortunately, before I could beat myself up about it for too long a client told me that she was sorry she didn’t earn the grant she applied for because she was going to give the entire sum to me. Before I could say, “Why the hell would you do that?” she said, “I get so much out of our sessions, I wish I had more money to spend on them.”
The following week I taught a memoir class. After the class was over, all of the participants asked for my business card. You guessed it, I didn’t remember to bring them. “This class was so helpful,” they said, “we want to know how we can work with you individually.” I found a few bent, chocolate covered cards in the bottom of my bag and wrote my email down for the rest of them. Rather than chiding myself for being a complete failure at self-promotion, which I was, I focused on the positive message from the class. What I find easy, is actually of value for people. And as soon as I got home, I shoved a handful of cards into my purse and wallet.
Affirmations from others helped shift my “I don’t do anything they can’t do for themselves” mindset to one of appreciating and valuing what I do. But even more validating was reading the following quote from a “brain expert.” Dr. Leonard Miller, a cognitive neuropsychologist, says, “The process of writing activates the part of the brain that does the problem solving and analyzing (the pre-frontal cortex), thereby deactivating the part of the brain where negative emotions like fear and anxiety are created.” Another study explained that personal writing not only reduces stress, it allows people to understand themselves, their fears, and desires more, therefore they are able to resolve conflicts with others easier and in general be better problem solvers. A study from the University of Texas even claimed writing contributes to physical benefits such as increased immune function.
Nothing beats scientific data to change a feeling to a fact. Sure, I believe writing improves my life and my client’s life, but now I can back my belief up with research. The key will be if I can remember to refer to this study the next time I doubt myself or my work. That, and remembering to always have my business card with me.

Corbin Lewars (www.corbinlewars.com) is the author of Creating a Life: The memoir of a writer and mom in the making, which was nominated for the 2011 PNBA and Washington State book awards and is now available via ebook. Her essays have been featured in over twenty-five publications including Mothering and Hip Mama. She teaches writing and coaches other writers on-line, via the phone and in person in Ballard.