Fear, hubris, adrenaline, high velocity impact, libations, and glory: all the hallmarks of the Great American Sport. Indeed, and of course, what would all this be without the opportunity to carry into the stadium your favorite 9-millimeter pistol Dad bought you for Christmas?

A new bill introduced by a few conservatives is calling for just that. The bill proposes that private operators of public municipalities would not be allowed to prevent people with conceal and carry permits to bring their guns into the facility. This would affect Safeco Field and Centurylink Stadium.

The bill was introduced by conservatives Bob McCaslin (Spokane Valley), Matt Shea (Spokane Valley) and David Taylor (Moxee).

The three have serious agendas in the Washington State House.

Taylor sponsors bills that include limited mandatory motorcycle helmet use for people under age 18, a bill declaring a fetus has a right to life at the moment of conception and a bill prohibiting a government database of law abiding owners of legal firearms.

McClaslin has other concerns, which include bills that would classify fantasy sports contests as contests of skill, public school workforce reductions and establishing mandatory parental notification for women under 18 undergoing an abortion.

Shea also has high-minded ventures, which include repealing some background checks for gun sales, authorizing possession of pistols by qualified persons who are eighteen years of age and for Eastern Washington to break away from Western Washington as an independent state.

Lots of fun here, folks.

But back to the point, the biggest question I have to ask is why? Why bring a gun into a secure stadium that basically has the same regimen of screening as the TSA? But even the TSA makes you check your gun before you take the Big Ride.

Well, yes, there are some bad folks out there, and the call for vigilante justice is a real deal for some people (I too wanted to be Bat-Guy but then I turned 13). But “I read on the internet” that if you carry or own a firearm you are way more likely to harm yourself or other unintended targets, rather than the boogeyman.

Also, what kind of John Wayne, leapfrog-logic has led to the idea that it’s okay to bring a gun into a place where alcohol is served? Stadiums are basically exaggerated bars. They promote the sale of those $15 Bud Lights, and we all know people drink their fill – at least I know I would if I got excited about watching a ball move over a line. But keep in mind there are children there, too. The idea of bringing a gun into a place where emotions are as high as alcohol sales is the same nonsensical thinking as saying Muslims and Democrats hate Christians so they're the same – it just doesn't resemble sanity in any way, but thanks for the Rapture warning, Uncle Virgil, now go back to sleep.

“Hey Cindy, are you ready to go to the game? Traffic is going to be bad.”

“Shane, hold on a second. I’m not done loading my gun, and I haven’t finished my beer.”

“Oh, okay. Mine’s all set. Shame I can't bring my samurai sword, too.”

“You’re crazy if think you’re bringing that. There’s kids there.”

“Psh…hey, where’s the the tequila?”

We’ve heard of the horror stories about manic fans shanking people who happen to be wearing a different color shirt with a different frowning animal embroidered on it. What comes next when they have a loaded gun at their sides? Someone’s dead is what happens next, and there’s no overtime, Super Bowl comeback, or shootout after that one — well, I guess there could be a shootout.

Another serious problem that comes to mind is how fans carrying guns would affect the athletes. I wonder how likely Cam Newton would be to parade around his dumb arrogance when stadium goers have holstered Glocks? Richard Sherman probably wouldn’t be threatening journalists’ careers when they’re packing heat. And besides, showboating, bragging and blind pompous egoism are all important parts of American Sport that could be stymied should guns be added to the primordial mix. Because of this, some might even call carrying a gun into a stadium unpatriotic. And, Kaepernick… well, let’s just mention Kaepernick and leave it at that.

Let’s also keep in mind that men who live in Eastern Washington are introducing this bill. Washington stadiums are mostly in Seattle, and if they’re not, who cares anyway. The fact is that men who do not live in our community are trying to bring guns into a place where they are not welcome. I’m going to make a leap here but that’s pretty much synonymous with men writing policies that tell women if and when they can have an abortion or the state prohibiting citizens from marrying other citizens based on what’s happening in the bedroom. It’s just not welcome. This is the same kind of low-minded jingoistic gibberish riding the coattails of fear, Herbal Life, crystals and gun rights that got a pussy-grabbing bigot and Biff Tannen wannabe elected president – or at least that’s what I’m hearing. Ok.

Taylor, McClaslin and Shea were all contacted for this commentary. Questions included their general reasons for introducing the bill, how often they get to Seattle stadiums and when Zordon is going to land the spaceship and take them back to Beta 9876. Their media handler replied, but they are not discussing the bill at this time.