While writing three men a liquor violation, an officer heard one of the suspects threaten another officer at the scene. He watched as the suspect stepped up, took a swing, and completely missed the intended target, who was happy to—as the writer of the report put it—“assist the suspect to the ground” before booking him into King County Jail.

A Ballard business has discovered more than $1,000 missing along with checks totaling nearly $500 from customer payments. One employee has been fired, and the investigation continues.

Early one morning, near the 7100 block of 34th Avenue Northwest, a woman jogged past a parked white Camry. Leaning against it was man (naked, save for his sneakers) who fondled himself under a conveniently positioned light that was shining down from the top of the car. Officers visited the home of the registered owner of the car, but no one answered.

The good neighbor policy is being strained in several Ballard neighborhoods. In one case, a protection order has been taken out and a woman has been known to quit doing yard work and pick up a can of mace after alleged verbal threats from a neighbor. In another, a woman was seen ripping out seven solar pathway lights the neighbors had installed.

As they're on patrol, officers will be paying special attention to the Northwest 88th Street P-Patch, which has been the victim of repeated thefts. In addition to stealing apples and peppers, the suspects have damaged a 14-year-old lilac tree.

Late on Sept. 25, a white male, aged 35 to 49, walked into a convenience store in the 1500 block of Northwest Market Street, and ran out the door with two half-cases of beer.

On Friday, Sept. 25, a citizen called 911 to report that two people in a gold car were driving down the 100 block of Northwest 81st Street and throwing papers out the window. The caller had collected some of the items, (which seemed personal) and turned them over to an officer.

Since he still has possession of his card, he's not sure how it happened, but someone gained access to a Ballard man's card number and charged $800 worth of items -- in Maryland.

After seeing some suspicious e-mails and noticing a car in front of her home (whose driver peeled out after being spotted), a local attorney became a little spooked when she found a dead squirrel in the driveway. Not sure if Mother Nature had simply cursed the critter or whether she is possibly being harassed, she thought it best to report the incident to authorities.

When she got up to leave a Fremont dance club, a woman noticed that someone had gotten into her purse (which had been hanging on the back of her chair) and taken her driver's license, cash, and credit cards.

And out at Golden Gardens, a German visitor got a rude welcome to our fair city: His daughter accidentally left his wallet behind on a bench while she was getting ice cream. By the time she returned to the scene, it was gone. Stolen were $660, credit cards, and ID.

On Northwest 47th Street, a transient was booked into the King County Jail after a resident heard him tell a companion to “go get a gun” during a verbal dispute over excessive noise. Although no gun was found, the suspect is being held for investigation of menacing.

Trying to track down the source of repeated mysterious telephone calls (no voice response; just loud noises and distant, seemingly Asian, voices) to a Ballard man, an officer was finally able to determine that the calls were being auto dialed by a phone in a construction worker's pocket.

Burglaries/car prowls/break-ins by block: 300 NW 88th, 1800 NW 65th, 12000 Greenwood Ave. N, 8000 14th NW, 10500 11th NW, 7300 17th NW, 1700 17th NW, 4100 3rd NW, 5700 17th NW, 7500 80th NW, 7500 18th NW,