According to Seattle Police a female in her mid-30s walked into the 7-11 convenience store at the corner of 35th Ave. S.W. and S.W. Barton St. in West Seattle a little before 1 a.m. on Sept. 9 with a serious hankering for a snack.

The woman grabbed a bag of Doritos, opened them up, walked over to the store’s liquid cheese dispenser (generally reserved for those stale tortilla chips) and started squirting liquid gold onto her snack chips for double the processed cheese experience.

SPD wrote “when the clerk informed the woman he would have to charge her for the cheese, she flew into a rage and began screaming at the man, before she threw the cheese-filled bag at his head, spattering him with hot orange goo.”

She fled towards a silver Chevy Malibu and the clerk ran outside to get a license plate number, but she punched him in the back as he approached. The victim call 911 to report the sodium-rich assault (he was OK, it wasn’t too hot) and police responded.

Strangely enough, the suspect also called police (although she did not identify herself) to say she would swing by the Southwest Precinct to discuss the incident, but never actually showed up.

No arrests have been made at this time.