Last year’s resolutions
by Scott Anthony
It’s that time again where, amidst the scurry and hustle of holiday preparations and celebrations, people around the world begin to think about the coming new year and how they might do things a little differently. Those little efforts that signify a fresh start: slowing down the pace, quitting smoking or losing weight, showing compassion towards others. We feel fairly good about the concepts, swelling with the potential we hold for ourselves.
But of all these goals, objectives and small dreams that we post on the fridge or load into our PDAs, how many of them do we truly accomplish? How many of the wishes are hits and how many are misses?
By way of example, I made a list of wonderful things that I planned to do, including the results:
Lose Ten Pounds: I dropped the weight in the first 8 weeks, but I gained it back over the following months, so this was a miss.
Stop Grousing At Other Drivers Through My Windshield: I’m only occasionally successful at this, and it’s usually when Mrs. Anthony is sitting next to me. This is a miss too.
Donate To A Charity: I used to send money to the Christian Children's Fund, but the kid they assigned to me grew up. He lives in L.A. now and I think he makes more money than I do.
But Mrs. Anthony donates to at least four different organizations. I’ll call this resolution a wash.
Stop Smoking: Ok, now here’s a hit. I quit smoking cigarettes.
I was 18 years old when I did it. I still smoke cigars, but I don’t inhale them. What? This doesn’t count? Hmm…well, ok. But I suppose I’ve made my point: Very few of the resolutions any of us make for ourselves ever make it to the following year intact and fruitive.
I think the real problem with making and keeping resolutions is that they are much too difficult and boring. Maybe if we come up with something that’s really creative and different, it will stick out so noticeably that it will actually get done. How about making a resolution to badger your congressman until they create a some new laws. Resolutions are resolutions, whether it’s your house, or the House of Representatives.
Drive Your Age: If you’re 18 years old, you have to drive 18 miles per hour. If you're 60, hit the freeway, baby. Only problem is, people like my 86 year old mother-in-law would have to buy a Ferrari.
Make Smoking Mandatory: What better way to get people to refuse to do something than to make it illegal to NOT do. Cigarette sales would plummet!
License To Have Children: I know we’re talking about that tricky subject of eugenics, but think of how precious a baby would be if you had to get a license to have one?
So now it’s your turn. Anyone who has a creative resolution, whether it’s scope is personal or worldwide, send them to: firstname.lastname@example.org and add, ‘New Years Resolutions’ in the subject line and I’ll list the best ones in my next column. Happy Holidays!